Scrivener's palsy

The jig is up

2009-04-14T08:22:00.003+01:00

Wow. My little googlepage just got linked by John August, so there goes what little anonymity I had left. I may be getting some take down notices over the next few days, so enjoy while you can!

Don’t forget, lots of recent pilots are available, including:

Castle
Cupid
Dollhouse (the scrapped pilot)
Harpers Island

A great ending - so say we all. Well, some of us.

2009-03-23T18:35:00.002Z

The big controversy this weekend: not how Tottenham beat Chelsea, but the end of one of TV's greatest ever space operas.

SPOILERS. OH YES.

The internet backlash to the finale of Battlestar Galactica has been enormous, way more than The Sopranos' cut to black, and I will admit to being pummelled into a deathly tedium by the apparently neverending parade of Act Breaks throughout the last forty minutes. Every time I thought the story was good and finished, we faded up on yet more billowing grassland.

However, this is not what has incensed most of the finale's detractors. There are two sore sticking points - the "god did it" explanation, and the decision of the rag-tag fleet to abandon their aimless exodus and settle on "our" Earth sans technology.

I have no problem with either.

God has been a major part of the show since the mini-series. As sci-fi fans we may have wanted a rational explanation for God and God's plan but, actually, there was none. Could be none. It was God's plan, not for us to understand, and in the end these people experienced their fates as he planned them, with no recourse to appeal. Which is very bleak and depressing, but hey, that's BSG.

The show lays out a pretty clear mythology, and never tries to explain all the wierd shit as anything other than God working in his mysterious way. You don't want to accept that's the truth of the situation? Fine, but Battlestar Galactica's God is real, and unknowable, and his existence is proven by the text.

For those who weren't listening, the cycle of Humans beget Cylons beget armegeddon, has been repeating for eons. God, for whatever reason, is fed up of it. When he sees it happening on Earth 1, he sends his angels to avert the catastrophe, but they're ineffective. When he sees it happening on the colonies, he decides to get interventionalist. By the time he's finished frakking with everyone, they're a million light years from home, on a fleet of ships held together by gaffa tape and pessimism.

When it comes to the decision to turn away from advanced technology, the show has already established that these ships are falling apart, and with no means of manufacturing new parts are desperate to scavenge spares from the Galactica. Once that old bird makes its final jump, you might be able to make some pretty bangles from several components, but there’s not a lot left that’s functional. No, having found a habitable planet, they really have no option but to settle there. Bleak, and depressing sure, but hey, that's BSG.

The 30,000 survivors of the 50,000,000,000 strong twelve colonies don't have the knowledge or skills to rebuild and maintain an industrial society. They tried it on New Caprica, and were clearly failing there, despite having more resources. They were never going to be able to do it on Earth. However, the species would survive and have a second chance - through Hera. God wins, barring free-will ruining things again.

Does anyone get a happy ending? Laura dies after leading her people to the promised land; Galen runs off to Scotland because he just can't trust himself to trust anyone else; Kara's bought back to life, relearns how to love, and is then snatched from existence; Lee is abandoned by everyone he loves; Baltar's scorned inheritance turns out to be the only thing capable of keeping him alive; and the whole human race is placed under the care of President Rollo Lampkin. Doesn’t sound too good, does it, but every one of those fates has an undeniable silver lining, and I'll leave it to you to figure out how the end of each character's story was perfect in its way.

The chronology has been puzzling. Why have the colonists land on Earth 150,000 years ago, instead of at a later time when they could have plausibly introduced agriculture (say 9000 years ago - certainly recent enough to hasten the end of prehistory)?

The timeframe of 150,000 years ago roughly coincides with the evolution of modern homo-sapiens and the development of behavioural modernity. From our 21st century viewpoint, we tend to be terribly condescending about our neolithic ancestors, but the truth (as far as we know it) is that they were quite societally advanced. The colonists may have lost a lot when they threw their ships into the sun, but they retained enough to leave a lasting legacy of language, art, cooking, humour, games, distance trading, tools, fishing, music and religion.

Let's not forget that, also within this time frame, the planet has experienced an ice-age, a super-massive volcanic eruption, plagues, and any number of near misses with extinction, that would have left any and all archeology destroyed and any memory of the colonists subsumed into the collective unconscious.

Is it so hard to imagine that, even if the remaining colonists had built homes with plumbing and running water, chicken coops and vegetable patches; that even if they had continued writing letters to each other, in the end their population simply wasn't large enough to exist, in the long term, on more than a subsistance level? Humanity's history is a cycle of dark ages - civilizations fall, and technologies are invented, forgotten, reinvented, over and over again. Over the generations they would have regressed - as a result of their low numbers and inability to transmit information. This was inevitable: whether they threw their ships into the sun or not, they would eventually forget, if not how to use them, how they worked. A population needs to reach a certain level before it can maintain a certain quality of life. The oncoming deterioration reminds me of the conclusion to Earth Abides, where in the end, bows and arrows prove more useful than rusting sidearms.

We now find ourselves at the same point the Colonies were (minus the spacefaring) about a century before the first Cylon war: on the verge of the singularity. The question is: are we going to end up on a distant planet, reduced to a fraction of our numbers, traumatised and debased, doomed to regress to the stone age, or are we going to break the cycle?

Daybreak was, most fittingly, a challenging and polarising ending, but one that I think was consistent with everything that’s gone before in Battlestar Galactica. The story was always about the characters, and in the flashbacks to Caprica before the fall, the journey was completed by showing us the beginning,. With this structural trick - the beginning is the end, the end is the beginning - Moore completes the circle. The cycle is broken, and whatever happens next is new.

A great show, a great ending.

Huggable James Moran's Big Writing FAQ

2009-03-17T11:42:00.009Z

The title says it all. Moran answers all the common questions people toss at him. Just don't ask him for John Barrowman's autograph, or he'll seal your fate.

Very nice.

Celtx v2

2009-02-26T18:46:00.000Z

Version 2 of Celtx, my favourite free screenwriting app, was released today. Many of the improvements, such as the move to the Firefox 3 codebase, are under the hood, and the end result is an application that looks and behaves pretty much the same as the last version, only a good deal snappier. Which is what you want, really.

The biggest change is server side, and is a whopper. Taking a leaf out of Apple’s studied playback the Celtx team have taken features that were once free, given them a polish, renamed them from Web Services to Celtx Studios, and decided to charge for them. Frankly, I don’t blame them at all.

If you were using Celtx’s free web services to collaborate on projects, each member of your team will now need a $50 annual subscription to a Celtx Studio instead. You can still email scripts around for collaboration, of course, but Celtx Studios offers a tidy, organised online workspace for sharing and back-ups. It’s actually pretty neat, and available as a free beta until March 24th, so you’ve plenty of time to try it out before making the move to Zhura or Scrippd or Scriptbuddy or Fivespockets.

The other major change is support for extensions and other add-ons, that will be part of the Celtx Toolbox. Not sure how this will be used, as very little info has been posted so far, but I imagine we’ll soon see lots of gimmicky random name generators and so forth sprouting up.

Can’t wait for that.

Celtx 2.0 is available for Mac OS 10.4 and above, Windows something or other, and Linux.

Being Human will return

2009-02-26T18:29:00.001Z

BBC Three have declared Being Human a triumph and ordered an expanded second season. The show will return with eight eps, up from six, and promises

some very exciting, very dark new stories.

Being Human has been an iPlayer hit and its website has become one of the best performing on the Beeb’s site.

The final episode of Being Human is this Sunday.

The script for the first episode is here.
The website is here.
Press release here.

I’ve enjoyed the series a hell of a lot, but feel it could benefit from a forty-five minute running time, rather than the full sixty, which sadly tend to sag in the middle. Still, a second season is certainly something worth waiting for, and thankful for, as this season so nearly didn’t happen.

The long arm of the Law & Order franchise

2009-02-24T17:01:00.002Z

Monday night at nine is becoming uninterruptable telly time for me - what with Unforgiven and Moses Jones, I've been glued to the screen for the last six weeks, and could well be for the coming thirteen.

ITV may have had the knives out in the last couple of months - for Heartbeat, The Royal, Wire in the Blood, Passage to India, but at least they're still trying new things (even if they don't always work, cf Demons and Britannia High).

Their latest attempt, as we wait for the new seasons of Moving Wallpaper, The Fixer and Primeval, is Law and Order UK. Dick Wolf has figured out a novel way of getting another twenty years out of his cops and lawyers tag-team franchise - remake the entire series for a different market. Genius!

Last night's premiere, "Care," was penned by Chris Chibnall, and based on "Cradle to Grave," a second season Law & Order episode from 1992, with added mobile phones.

Admittedly, it's easy to scoff at the notion of remaking a seventeen year old episode of TV; easier still to raise a cynical sneer at the headline grabbing subject matter of a suffocated baby chosen for this opening episode.

With Kudos at the helm however, one has to expect at least a solid hour of television. This was - no more, and no less - an episode of Law & Order, set in London. Whether or not you think that's a good thing depends on your own preferences.

The format is exactly as we've come to expect - for half the episode, the police look for someone to arrest, in the second half the CPS figure out how to prosecute them. It's a classic formula, one which works well in the US and transfers well to the UK, despite differences in our legal systems.

London looks just as I remember it - 'orrible. I can't count the number of times I had to walk to Sadlers Wells from Kings Cross, because the Angel was shut again. It's one of the most depressing routes I've ever paced, and seeing it on the box last night, I was gladder than ever that I never have to do it again. Fortunately, I never stumbled over a corpse in King's Cross; that's the sort of thing you're more likely to find on Kingsway, but recognisable locations always add a spot of verisimilitude to drama.

With the exception of Patrick Malahide's outrageously amoral defence lawyer - a stereotype that surely deserves ten to life, the cast were uniformly strong. I don't know if Malahide's going to be a recurring foil for Ben Daniel's crusading prosecutor, but by Jove, he'll need to dial it down a bit if so.

The show boasts an impressive roster of thespians, to tell the truth: Jamie Bamber (fresh off Battlestar Galactica, and using his own accent again); Bradley Walsh (surprisingly effective in a dramatic role); Harriet Walter; Freema Agyeman; and Bill Patterson, all make a good account of themselves. Whether it's a legacy of the parent show, or Chris Chibnall showing off his chops, each character seems to be drawn with a skill and depth often absent in pilot episodes

The show is perceptibly slower paced than its US forebear, but does have a slightly longer running time. At any rate, it's still got at least three times as much oomph as most UK mystery shows and, along with shows like The Fixer, is another attempt by ITV to move away from the turgid, paint-drying pace of its established crime-solving roster.

The real test of L&O UK is still to come – how will it fare when it stops recycling American scripts, and starts breaking its own stories? The format’s proven, the location’s a goer, and the characters strong enough to carry their own water; I’m pretty hopeful that Law & Order UK will develop it’s own sense of identity and be able to hold its own against the other entries in NBC’s juggernaut franchise.

Your application for the evil league of evil is hereby rejected. Signed, Bad Horse.

2009-02-12T11:11:00.002Z

THIEVES who broke into a veterinary hospital were caught by police officers who followed their footprints in the snow.

At about 4.48am Tuesday police were called to the Chipping Norton Veterinary Hospital in Albion Street where a burglary was in progress. On arrival, officers followed footprints in the snow to a nearby property where three men were arrested. A fourth man was later arrested following further investigations.

Thames Valley Police spokesman David Paull said: "Officers attended the scene and were able to trace the offenders due to marks that had been left in the snow. Three men were arrested in property on suspicion of burglary. Using further intelligence a fourth man was arrested."

A safe had been stolen from the veterinary hospital. During the same evening burglaries had also taken place at the Co-op and Flowers Etc, which police are linking with the veterinary hospital theft. A 28-year-old man and an 18-year-old man have been released on bail until March 10. A 19-year-old man has been released on bail until March 12 while a 46-year-old man has been released without charge.

"Shaped like a lady, hung like a donkey."

2009-02-10T13:20:00.005Z

Moses Jones: 1.2 million viewers
Whitechapel: 7.1 million viewer

Shame. Last night's Moses Jones gave us political ambition, a dollop of ultra-violence and Dennis Waterman patting a ladyboy's pouch.

In this middle-episode, several characters are put under the spotlight as Moses begins obsessing about his only lead: ex-military leader in exile Matthias, while obliviously putting everyone he speaks to in grave danger. After one particularly horrible reprisal, Solomon lets loose his inner Ben Grimm and dishes out some serious pummelling.

I can't wait for next week's conclusion.

Anyone care to tell me what happened in Whitechapel?

Stranger! Stranger! Stranger!

2009-02-06T10:21:00.002Z

In my hazy morning state, yet to recall that I shaved the previous evening, I catch my reflection in the bathroom mirror, make a professional double-take, and scream. It's a deep manly scream, completely appropriate for a shock encounter with the rum and uncanny, but a scream nonetheless. Fresh of face, chubby of cheek, naked as the day I was born; for some reason the image just does not compute.

A couple of coffees later and I can again view my reversal without freaking out, but that was an odd start to the day.

An hour after the sudden onset of prosopagnosia, after negotiating the 18 inch snowdrift outside my front door, I meet a man shovelling snow off the steepest road in Chipping Norton. I'm on my way down, he is about half-way up, and I wish him luck with the rest. By the time I get to the bottom, everything he's cleared has already filled in again. Poor bugger, it's going to be a long day.

Being Human script

2009-02-05T13:38:00.002Z

What's this, another post? I'm surely going to burn out at this rate.

Those fine fellows at the BBC Writers' Room have posted the first episode of Being Human on their website. Not the original pilot, this is the first episode of the current bun. Run. Sorry, snowed in and starving, here. Cannibalism is a mere flurry away, I fear.

Anyway, HERE IT IS.

Woooo, woooo,wooooooo.

Moses Jones - Uganda it if you try, BBC2

2009-02-04T11:01:00.009Z

BBC Two's original drama has been in a bit of a slump recently. Stuck in a rut that has seen them producing "commemorative, " or "worthy" programming - they've not shown anything to really stir my soul for some time.

As a result, while I was committing the error of watching Whitechapel on Monday night, I missed the airing of Joe Penhall's Moses Jones. I caught up with Episode One (of Three) last night and was seriously impressed. Although the mini has been touted as a chance to see the new Doctor Who in action, his role is relatively minor. The story belongs to the eponymous copper and a group of Ugandan immigrants – some in the country legally, others not so much. In fact the story belongs, in a way, to London: to its bustle, its grime, its diffusion, and ambivalence to the fates of those it shelters.

When a brutally mutilated body is discovered in the Thames, Moses Jones is put on the case by his superiors at Scotland Yard, simply because of his ethnic heritage. Paired with DS Dan Twentyman, the two are met with a wall of silence from the local community, until they are offered a clear lead from a very unlikely source.

As with Unforgiven, Moses Jones gets its set-up out of the way as quickly as possible, and spends as little time explaining things to the audience as it can get away with.

Moses, for example, is a cypher. When we first meet him, we don't know who or what he is. Just a man shaving his chest - a seemingly narcissistic act, until it's reframed by a shot of him tearing off a small strip of tape. No further information is given; it's left to our knowledge of crime drama and its tropes to conclude that he's about to wear a wire.

Later, it becomes evident that Moses is a man who tries to distance himself from his background. Born in London, his parents were Ugandan, and it is this tenuous connection that leaves him saddled reluctantly to the case. He gives away nothing about himself. In the only moment we see him alone and off duty, he's swigging vodka like barley water.

Other characters are as swiftly introduced. Consummately drawn, they debut fully-formed. Behaving one way, they nevertheless betray the hints of a conflicting inner life that is private for now, but will shortly be drawn forth as events force them to reveal their true selves.

At one end of the spectrum of the Ugandan community is the mysterious Matthias, who despite being a legal immigrant and doing his best to hold down the capital's most disgusting jobs, is mixed up in some seriously messy stuff. His shadow is Solomon, a musician who, though in the country without papers, is nevertheless an extremely moral man. Caught between them are Joy, an outrageously beautiful prostitute/escort/hostess, whose uncle turns out to be the body in the Thames, and Jo, a charming but naive minicab controller, an unwitting and increasingly desperate accessory to murder.

I can’t give this any higher compliment than to say this was as smart, vibrant and well-plotted as the best of Pelecanos or Mosley. Get to the BBC's iPlayer, or your torrent site of choice asap.

"Gentlemen, welcome to Hell"

2009-02-03T11:51:00.002Z

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so did I abandon all hope.

Following the ITV commissioning anomaly that was the outstanding Unforgiven, the network were back on more familiar ground last night, with Whitechapel.

120 years after Jack the Ripper terrorised the East End, women are being attacked and killed in meticulous recreations of his crimes.

Hot on his heels are the clueless and by the book (literally - referring to the Murder Investigation Manual throughout) DI Rupert Penry-Jones and a squad of cynical, dishevelled odourous detectives, led by Phil Davis. Penry-Jones has a thing, naturally: OCD, and a habit of rubbing balm into his temples.

Production values were high, London looked suitably murky, and the performances were very good, but overall the whole thing was predictable, uninspired, and a complete load of old cobblers.

Welcome back, ITV.

Pilot scripts

2009-02-02T17:06:00.010Z

If you're a TV lover and script hoarder such as myself, you might want to check out the scripts from some recent new series (that premiered either in 2008, or this year). For your delight, I hereby present:

90210 (CW)
Ashes to Ashes (BBC)
Bonekickers (BBC)
Breaking Bad (AMC)
The Ex-List (CBS)
Flashpoint (CTC)
Fringe (Fox)
Knight Rider (NBC)
Leverage (TNT)
Lie to Me (Fox)
Life on Mars (ABC)
The Mentalist (CBS)
Merlin (BBC)
Miss Guided (ABC)
My Own Worst Enemy (NBC)
New Amsterdam (FOX)
Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family)
Survivors (BBC)
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox)
True Blood (HBO)
United States of Tara (Showtime)
Worst Week (CBS)

De Montford calling

2009-01-28T14:49:00.004Z

As long suffering readers may recall, last year I gazed into the gaping maws of death while driving home from an event at De Montford University. The event was fantastic, my escape from the hereafter rejuvenating, and my finances crippled by roadside assistance bills.

I later managed to bag a ’96 Almera for £150, to make up for losing the Pug. Less poke, but far more manoeuvrable. And it passed its MOT this month with a clean sheet!

All that’s by-the-by, however, as the De Montford event is back, saddled with the sub-heading Fantastic Writing - science fiction, fantasy and magic: Writing the future, the past and other worlds.

In their own words:

De Montfort University will be hosting the third annual writers day for aspiring TV scriptwriters on Saturday 7th March 2009 at the Leicester City campus.

The one day event will give guests the opportunity to hear from industry professionals in the form of keynote speeches and question and answer panels. Previous speakers have included Jed Mercurio (Bodies, Cardiac Arrest, Frankenstein), Laurence Marks (Birds of a Feather), Tony Marchant (Mark of Cain, Recovery) and Kate Rowland (BBC Writersroom).

The theme for this year’s event will be Fantastic Writing - Science Fiction, Fantasy & Magic: Writing the future, the past and other worlds

Confirmed guests include James Moran (Doctor Who, Torchwood and Spooks), Phil Ford (Sarah Jane Adventures, Dr Who and Torchwood), Stephen Volk (Afterlife) and Graham Joyce - winner of the World Fantasy Award, the British Fantasy Award, the Angus Award and the O Henry short story prize. Graham has also written screenplays for Hollywood studios and is currently commissioned to work on the story line for the computer game DOOM 4.

Stephen Volk created and was lead writer of the award-winning ITV drama series Afterlife starring Lesley Sharp and Andrew Lincoln, called 'terrific television' (The Guardian) and 'Unmissable' (Mail on Sunday). A BAFTA-winning screenwriter, his TV and movie credits include Ken Russell's Gothic, Octane, Shockers and the notorious, almost legendary, BBC 'Halloween hoax' Ghostwatch.

Event organiser and course leader for the unique MA, Christopher Walker says “This is a rare opportunity for scriptwriters of all levels, from complete beginners through to those who have already had some success in the industry, to hear from industry professionals - there are two keynote speakers and two question and answer panels. Events like this are usually restricted to London so it's a way of giving opportunities to writers from the East Midlands to meet with industry professionals, network and get inspired to boost their writing careers.”

Link

Graham Joyce wrote the most enjoyable novel of 2008: Memoirs of a Master Forger, which I liked so much I was inspired to send a fan-boyish email thanking him for writing it. If you've not read it, please do, it's fantastic.

I met TV’s so-called James Moran at the Screenwriters’ Festival, and found the experience underwhelming. Expecting a crazed encounter with an octo-handed, time-shifting slathering nut, I was disappointed to find him an altogether pleasant chap, who gave freely and generously of his time, talking for hours and hours and forgetting to go to the toilet.

If you think there can possibly be any benefit in watching this man on a panel, then the day costs £65, which includes parking (not too hard to find, and near the event) and lunch (plentiful but cramped). Smokers please note, a big yellow line has been painted around the venue, inside which you must not smoke.

Being Human - tougher than you think

2009-01-25T22:10:00.002Z

So, after a long, long wait since last February’s pilot, that was the first episode of Being Human. Did you like it? I did. It was creepy and funny; well-written, and unflinching. It was darker than I expected, actually; definitely veering more toward drama than comedy. Nice to see a show debut so strongly, with such a clear sense of its own aims, identity and - crucially - ability.

For those Not In The Know, the basic pitch of Being Human is: a werewolf, a vampire, and a ghost share a house in Bristol. All they want is to be normal.

Bloody complications ensue.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-24T19:26:00.001Z

Have you missed me? I hope not, you should all have much better things to do than worry about where I’ve staggered off to.

I’ve been reading you all in my absence, and it’s good to see you keeping so busy. A spectacular number of bloggers got through to the second round of The Red Planet prize, and those who’ve got the chops to go further should be hearing all about it soon; so good luck, mes amis.

I myself have not been sitting on my hands, but using them to karate chop away at 2009 like a sex-starved Ross Geller, only the sex in this metaphor is...well...damn it, sex.

At least I’m managing to keep one nib inky, as it were. Britain needs better writers, as is clearly evidenced by the likes of Demons and Merlin, to name but two (both shows crafted by the same fair sets of hands, by the way). I was just trying to watch Demons, but no, I’m sorry, I can’t. My IQ is greater than 40, after all.

I despair sometimes, I really do.

At least there is still the occasional ray of intelligence bursting forth. Sally Wainwright’s Unforgiven has been absolutely stellar these last two weeks, so the fact that it’s only a three parter makes me a little glum. Wainwright’s script is so lean, it whistles as it moves. No word is wasted, no scene drawn out; it’s an out and out marvel. Suranne Jones I only know from Vincent and half an episode of Harley Street, neither of which really gave any clue of her abilities, but as Ruth Slater released after 15 years inside after killing two policemen, aged 17, she commands the screen. Monday night’s finale promises revelations and repercussions. and I’ll not be missing it, come Monday night.

Incidentally, the BBC have asked Wainwright to pep up Robin Hood, following what’s sure to be the departure of almost all the cast after the end of the upcoming third season. If they lik her ideas and commission a fourth season, I’ll finally start watching.

The show that just won't die

2008-08-11T20:26:00.002+01:00

Life must be getting tedious for poor old Stephen Moffat. Another Worldcon, another Hugo for Doctor Who. Sigh. Year after year, regular as a clockwork assassin.

Congrats to Moffat and all that, but what really caught my attention in this year’s awards, was one of the other entrants in the "Best Dramatic Presentation, Short Form" category: Star Trek New Voyages – World Enough and Time. Unless I've missed something momentous, and a new Trek series is airing that no-one told me about, then surely this is a fan production? Is there such a dearth of quality SF programing that the Hugo selectors have stooped to nominating amateur, unlicensed dramatic fanfic?

Obviously I'm being a leetle obnoxious here. Downright bigoted, in fact. And clearly I have missed something momentous, but more on that later. The notion of fan made continuations of classic series is not alien to me. I was introduced to the notion when I stumbled on a virtual sixth season of Babylon 5, back in ‘99, and there have plenty more since.They occupy a ghostly no-man’s land: by no means canon, but not exactly fanfic, either. More often than not, enthusiasm turns out to be a poor substitute for talent, and none of these projects could ever be accused of professionalism or, to be blunt, ambition. My evaluation of these projects’ ultimate worth changed when I discovered Big Finish, who I grudgingly acknowledged did a fine job producing new, fan made Doctor Who after the series ended. Some of the audio adventures - particularly Spare Parts, The Holy Terror and Chimes of Midnight - surpass their parent show in terms of quality. But World Enough and Time is a full, hour length, visual presentation. Offered for free on the internet. Surely it has the words train-wreck, clusterfuck and the well worn phrase, apparently now trademarked by Lucasfilms, "raped my childhood" all over it. It had to be watched.

Well, if I did it, so should you. Tomorrow I’m going to run in front of a bus. World Enough and Time is the third episode in the New Voyages series, and can be downloaded from a number of mirror sites, listed here, along with the previous stories.

Now, enough of the flippancy. The truth is, I wouldn’t be linking to it if I didn’t think it was worth an hour of your time. I watched it, and to say I was surprised would be an understatement. Not only did I feel ashamed for expecting so little, I finished it wanting more. Yes, my feeble, uncharitable preconceptions were well and truly smashed.

Star Trek New Voyages’ mission statement is to chronicle:

the continuing voyages of Captain Kirk and the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701 as seen in the 1966-69 television series, Star Trek. The series was cancelled after its third season. We are presenting the series as if it were in its fourth year. We acknowledge that the visual effects are contemporary, but we work hard within out capabilities to keep the effects familiar to fans of the original series.

Despite some hair(line)-raising eyebrow acting and one appalling Scottish accent, they succeed. This is a well made piece of drama, deserving of its nomination.

The Enterprise, responding to a distress signal from a ship that has strayed into the Romulan neutral zone, arrives just in time to watch it atomised by three Romulan birds-of-prey, packing a powerful new weapon. The Enterprise retaliates against the Romulans, but after destroying them and their weapon, is trapped within an inter-dimensional shield. Sulu, accompanied by a computer scientist, pilots a shuttle into the wreckage to salvage a means of freeing the Enterprise. However, when the docking bay is destroyed, and the shuttle lost, the Enterprise has to try and beam them back. Only Sulu returns, but thirty years older. Having been shunted into a parallel universe, he’s lived through all that time while only seconds have passed on the Enterprise. Now with a daughter in tow, he must try and recall the knowledge of the Romulan device and save the Enterprise. The price he must pay to do this is almost beyond bearing.

The CGI used in the project is decent, and the script rock solid, with excellent characterisaton, a compelling complication, plenty of alarming reversals and a strong moral dilemma at its core. And the denoument is spot on.

That the script was of a high calibre oughtn’t be surprising, given that the writing credits of Michael Reaves and Marc Scott Zicree could probably shame many of us. Episode two, To Serve all My Days, was penned by the legend that is D.C Fontana, and the upcoming Blood and Fire is by David Gerrold (The Trouble with Tribbles).

I’ve never subscribed to, or properly understood, the fanatical devotion inspired by Gene Roddenberry’s creation, famously described as “Wagon Train in space,” but anything that can drive any group of people to create such a high quality, clearly demanding labour of love, and then offer it up for free, has to have been a worthwhile endeavour. Roddenberry, and everyone attached to this series, and its various “sister” projects, can be proud of their achievements, and their greatly appreciated altruism.

Got an X-Box 360? Get Braid.

2008-08-09T18:24:00.004+01:00

Braid is the most ingenious, thoughtful, fulfilling game I’ve played since Ico. It debuted on X-Box Live Arcade on Wednesday, after several years in development, and in a matter of days has taken the gaming world by storm. Hyperbole? When you read the game’s description, you might think so:

Braid is a puzzle-platformer, drawn in a painterly style, where the player manipulates the flow of time in strange and unusual ways. From a house in the city, journey to a series of worlds and solve puzzles to rescue an abducted princess. In each world, you have a different power to affect the way time behaves, and it is time's strangeness that creates the puzzles. The time behaviors include: the ability to rewind, objects that are immune to being rewound, time that is tied to space, parallel realities, time dilation, and perhaps more. Braid treats your time and attention as precious; there is no filler in this game. Every puzzle shows you something new and interesting about the game world.

Nothing much original there, you might imagine. Portal was all the puzzle game I need, thanks, and we’ve all seen time go backwards, or haven’t you played Prince of Persia? And anyway - 2D? HDTV might be the source of a sprite renaissance, but no-one who’s serious about games is going to give it a second look.

You may assume that because this is a 2D platformer, downloadable content hosted by X-Box Live Arcade, it’s in some way a less than legitimate game. That if it hasn’t had $100 million spent on development, PR and marketing, it’s no more than a simple product for the casual gaming crowd. But to call Braid a casual game is to miss the point as spectacularly as those who would call Watchmen a comic for people who don’t read comics. It draws from the entire history of a medium to tell a story that can only be told effectively using the tools of the medium, in a way that uses the medium’s conventions to comment upon itself, its audience and the world. Like life, it provides no instructions; you learn the rules by observing the world around you, and its interactions, and then you break them. Braid goes so much further in the way it uses time as a gameplay mechanic than anything that came before it that it’s almost a quantum leap. When you first create a parallel version of yourself to solve a puzzle, I promise you, your mind will be blown.

Because listen, this not just a game that uses time to forestall death, a la Prince of Persia; this is a game about time. About growth, and development, and regret for the things you can’t take back. It’s a game whose design, with its two-dimensional environment, created beautifully in bold watercolour strokes that look glorious on an HDTV, and whose soundtrack, classical and subdued, together generate an atmosphere that transports you to other places, other times, and totally complement the game’s metaphorical and allegorical storyline.

This is not just a game about time, but a game about history. It’s a game that looks back though the medium’s past and synthesises influences to create something wonderful; not merely nostalgia for an eight bit past, but a love letter to the “princess.” WIth an art style that evokes Yoshi’s Island, and levels inspired by Donkey Kong, Braid is an outright paean to gaming’s development.

It’s a game that shows us, through little more than fiendish level design, that we’re always changing, but rarely recognise it. That you have to look back to go forwards. That sometimes, you don’t know how far you’ve come until you return to the start, or that you can be minding your own business when suddenly, something - the scent of perfume, a snatch of music, a bird’s ascent - throws you back in time. Most of all, it reaffirms that the present doesn’t make sense, is a chaotic place, and only coalesces, if we’re lucky, into a narrative based around ourselves when we can look back at it from a point outside time, outside our own lives and experience. Generally, we can’t do that while we’re alive, so we use art to look at the lives of others. We inhabit, temporarily, the worlds of constructs, and seek to extract from them knowledge that can enrich and explain our existence. The very best of these worlds can change the way you look at your own.

Braid holds that honour. You really should experience it for yourself.

Ita in vita ut in lusu alae pessima jactura arte corrigenda est

2008-08-08T16:11:00.001+01:00

There’s been not a lot of note going on in the world of TV lately. In the UK, plenty of new shows have premiered: Bonekickers (still ludricrous but no longer shit), Harley Street (honestly, was anyone in need of more docs on the box?), House of Saddam (Godfather in Iraq), and Burn Up (trashy polemical); while the altogether higher quality Mad Men, Burn Notice and Saving Grace have returned to American screens. ABC Family have introduced The Middleman, of which I have no idea what to think, but suspect I enjoy. The other ABC have been airing The Hollowmen, which is a tamer version of The Thick of It. Subsequently, it’s a lot less funny, but still fun to watch.

Yesterday, there was a perfect storm of telly news. In the UK, it looks like Holby Blue has been axed in order to maintain the purity of the Holby brand. That the brand was applied by a filthy, hot poker, and is leaking pus all over the nation’s TV screens matters to nobody. Poor old Red Planet - that’s two out of three shows down, now. As long as it stays at that ratio, and Moving Wallpaper gets a second stab, I’ll be happy.

I was convinced its appalling first season would be Robin Hood’s only chance to target the appreciation index, but back it came for season two, despite Budapest being a poor stand-in for Sherwood, and Keith Allen being a terrible stand-in for Alan Rickman; who was himself a pale, mooncast shadow of Nikolas Grace. Season three is on its way, but the news that poor wikkle Jonas Armstrong will be too tired to continue further must surely be the drama’s death knell. Tiger Aspect can’t possibly regenerate Robin Hood, though they might be out there, looking for their Jason Connery, right now. Let’s all move on. Ivanhoe, anyone? Treasure Island? Moonfleet?

Well, that’s my humble nation dispatched with. Over in the States, there’s good news for those who love original and offbeat writing; bad news if you’re of a superstitious nature, and believe there ain’t no-luck-but bad-luck. TV jinx Darin Morgan has been bought onto staff at Fringe, the new JJ Abrams opus. Morgan’s most recent gigs were Bionic Woman and Night Stalker. Better luck this time, sir.

Battlestar Galactica may well be coming to an end in ten episodes – though they might all be seventy minute episodes, the way things are going – and Caprica may be we all get of Ron Moore in 2008. But it looks as though the show intends to live on. Jane Espenson has been announced as the writer of a further prequel, to be directed by Edward James Olmas, which is due to air after the series finale airs, sometime in 2009.

Finally, AMC, having recreated the early sixties in all it’s sexist, entitled glory, are turning their hands to the down-beat, crime-ridden, paranoia-driven seventies, with a series version of Francis Ford Coppala’s inter-Godfather gem, The Conversation. Apparently, NBC tried this in ’95, but got nowhere. I’d love to see someone capture the Easy Rider, Raging Bull film sensibility and whack it onto telly. If this pans out, it could be the greatest series ever. Tip out that sax, Harry!

Payday. Praise Allah!

2008-07-28T20:54:00.000+01:00

The Screenwriters’ Festival wiped out my disposable income for July, and it finished on the third. I came home from Cheltenham with £30 in my pocket, and haven’t withdrawn a penny or made a debit card transaction since. My bank manager called mid-month to check I was still alive.

I owe my survival to three things – a well stocked freezer; a big box of liquid laundry sachets, left over from when I converted back to powder (better for the machine); and £50 worth of hoarded coppers and unspent Euros I scraped together. Without any of these I would have died, starving, in dirty, ragged linen. Leaving an unkempt corpse is a terrible fear.

Have I learnt anything from this experience? I can live on very little, and it’s certainly encouraging to know that. I’m probably going to be a lot more thrifty from now on, so that this never happens again, and I know I won’t be spending money on anything unless I need it, or really, really want it. But it would have to be something outrageously special. Like a submarine.

'arvey's 'havin' 'oops

2008-07-25T11:51:00.003+01:00

I don't usually have much time for Variety, but in their TV news today comes the staggering information that Colm Meaney is out, and Harvey Keitel is in, as Gene Hunt in the rather troubled Life on Mars remake.

Can't wait to see him make a traffic stop.

A truly horrible week

2008-07-19T10:16:00.000+01:00

Act Three of Doctor Horrible’s Sing-along Blog was posted last night. If you’ve been ignoring my recommendations, you’re a damn fool. If you’ve been “waiting for the trade,” go see all three acts for free, while you can.

Act Three is classic Whedon, and totally broke my heart.

Damn you, Whedons.

It's Horrible

2008-07-16T18:18:00.001+01:00

At last, the internet has recovered from the assault of the Whedonistas, and Dr Horrible’s Sing-along Blog can now be viewed by pretty much anyone with a broadband connection. And view it you should.

Act One was released yesterday. Act Two will be out tomorrow, though most likely inaccessible until Friday, and the thrilling Finale will be released on Saturday. From Sunday, you’ll have to pay to watch it, so get a move on.

Here’s the trailer:

Now go and see the first thirteen minutes. You’ll like it, I promise. It’s funny. And romantic. And tuneful.

UPDATE - blimey, Act Two is available NOW.

If this is what it takes to write like Paul Abbott, I'll pass, thanks

2008-07-12T17:52:00.001+01:00

Parental abandonment, raped at thirteen, prostituted himself for a typewriter, multiple suicide attempts before his sixteenth birthday, bi-polar disorder, institutionalised, and repeatedly scammed by members of his own family; it’s an incredible tale, told to Media Guardian today.

Dancing

2008-07-10T21:22:00.001+01:00

If there’s anyone out there who hasn’t seen this yet, and there must be one or two because I hadn’t until five minutes ago, this will put a smile on your sour, winkled face.

And maybe a tear to your eye? It’s okay, you can admit it without fear of prejudice here. I think we’ve established I’m not as miserable as I look.

Bonekickers

2008-07-08T21:37:00.002+01:00

Alas, after twenty minutes, Crucifixion seemed an appealing alternative. Fewer thrills than Time Team, less instruction than Relic Hunter, Ashley Pharoah and Matthew Graham’s new series Bonekickers - Indiana Jones meets CSI - is an outright turkey.

At a pace that can only be described a geologic, Gillian Magwilde’s team of clueless, sexist, and, oh yes, maverick archeological investigators guff their way through a dig in Bath, doing nothing for forty minutes other than uttering eye-rollingly bad lines such as:

"Do you know what history is, mate? It's layers."

and coaxing trenches to:

"Come on, give up your secrets."

SPOILERS.

Well, I say spoilers, it would be hard to ruin this, to be honest.

Eventually, after a spot of Three Detectives level deduction and a round of breaking and entering, they dash off, looking in completely the wrong place for answers. A kindly yokel asks them if they want to check out his dovecote instead of the closed-for-renovation-chapel. For no particular reason, they decide to do just that, and, finding six hundred and sixty-six pigeon-holes within, investigate further. Lo and behold, yay, BEHOLD: hidden beneath the rural countryside, a gigantic chamber, stuffed with crucifixes, one of which presumably held the suffering body of Our Lord.

The acronym W.T.F. was invented for this sort of lunacy.

To sum up: Bonekickers began its hour as a fairly undistinguished forensic drama of the Waking the Dead school, before taking a sharp left into toontown as it began to offer up ancient mysteries, a beheading, miracle cures, insane flaming cultists, magic swords, a spot of foreshadowing, burning crucifixes and a good old singalong.

I couldn't decide how to respond, so settled on howling with laughter at the outright preposterousness of this piece of train-wreck television.

Best of the Fest

2008-07-08T14:05:00.005+01:00

I am thoroughly hopeless at taking notes. I’d rather let a speaker’s general meaning gently wash over me than sit, furiously scribbling throughout a speech. Of course, I later forget everything they've said. Luckily, I have Jason “The Sten” Arnopp, and others, on my team. Armed with notepads, cameras and other tiny, secret recording devices, they smuggled priviledged info out of SWF08 to assist those of us who either couldn't make it or have tiny attentio...

If you’re already getting sick of seeing this stuff across numerous blogs, well, then you’d better make sure you go next year, hadn’t you?

Adadinsane

Fiesta!
Fiesta! #2
Fiesta! Bonus Pics #1
Fiesta! #3 (It's A Wrap)
Fiesta! Bonus Pics #3
Fiesta! Take Away

Jason Arnopp:

Hors D'oeuve
The Scribeomeet
Tony Jordan
Exorcists and Arachnid Attacks
Barbara Machin
Julian Fellowes

The Dark Arrow
Don'ts and Don'ts

David Bishop:

Notes and Stuff

Dom Carver:

My Name is Mike
Mike Leigh

Tim Clague:

Epilogue
Barbara Machin on What Makes a Great TV Series

James Moran:

SWF Report

Jon Peacey:

Neon Dream

Danny Stack:

Screenwriters' Festival 08
SWF Day One
Day Two - Part One
Day Two - Part Two
Day Three

Dan Turner:

Screenwriters' Festival 2008

Michael Bay's The Dark Knight

2008-07-05T18:28:00.001+01:00

I don’t mean that Michael Bay is the Dark Knight. No, that would be ludicrous. What is only slightly less ludicrous, though, is that Bay wrote an early draft of the script for this year’s sequel to Batman Begins.

Ultimately, Warners took the flick in a different direction.

Jane Tranter's speech to the RTS

2008-07-05T12:40:00.000+01:00

Jane Tranter, Head of Fiction for the BBC, gave a great speech at The Screenwriters’ Festival, a mere three days after speaking at the Royal Television Society. Many of the points raised were, naturally, identical.

In the RTS speech, Tranter lists eight things she has learned about drama. Here is the abridged version:

... there's an odd tendency in our business to pretend finding successful drama is all a complete mystery. David Picker, the legendary Hollywood executive who headed up both United Artists and MGM, once said to me that if he'd commissioned everything he'd turned down, and turned down everything he'd commissioned, his success rate would have been about the same.

And as everybody knows, William Goldman once famously said "in our business nobody knows anything", by which he meant that in our business nobody knows what will work.

Over the years I have learnt not just to live with but to occasionally enjoy the process of not knowing anything, of being surrounded by the unexpected and surprising. And if I took David Picker or William Goldman at their word it would cosily abdicate me of a great deal of responsibility.

But I think they are both being pretty disingenuous. David Picker didn't greenlight the first James Bond movies by accident and William Goldman didn't write Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid because he didn't understand great storytelling and its visceral grip on audiences.

And to be honest it would be a bit tricky, wouldn't it, if I stood here and told you that after eight years in the job I still hadn't the faintest idea how to do my job.

So here are some of the things I've worked out along the way. Some of them will be familiar to some of you. None of them are rocket science. But they are some of the things that I know about commissioning drama. That I've learnt. And that I've grown to trust.

Just so you know how to pace yourselves, I've picked out eight of them. I would have liked to go for 10 but life's too short, we've all got dinners to go to.

So: The Thing I Know Number One. You don't move forwards by constantly looking back.

Now nothing pleases me more than a good debate about television drama, but I am beginning to lose the will to live over the continual conversation about how wonderful television drama used to be, with particular reference to Play For Today....

So The Thing I Know Number Two is this: stop underestimating the creative potency of the returning drama series.

The returning series is far riskier, more exposing and more complex to crack than any other form of television drama. The collaborative and long-term creative experience that series television offers writers and actors, producers and directors should be embraced rather than dodged. It should be applauded rather than seen as a second class genre useful only for making money or securing ratings....

That said, let's not forget The Thing I've Learnt Number Three. Always remember that there's more to great television drama than a great script.

It's true that, yes, the script is at the heart of everything, but we can be strangely slow to recognise that directors and the execution of the script are utterly vital to the entire process....

The Thing I Know Number Four. Only make what someone is passionate about.

Contrary to popular belief BBC drama isn't about my passions or even my personal tastes (it might look different if that was the case).

But good drama has to spring from the passion of somebody. It can be the best idea in the world but if it in some way doesn't come from the heart – as opposed to intellectual curiosity, interest or financial gain – then the drama will fail....

Thing Number Five. Don't forget the audience.

Francis Ford Coppola gave a wonderful quote about the making of Apocalypse Now. He said that in making the film he wanted to be like Proust – but he also wanted to be like Irwin Allen (for those of you too young to remember, Irwin Allen was a great popular fim producer in the 70s, the man behind those huge and crowd pleasing disaster movies, The Towering Inferno, The Poseidon Adventure etc)....

The Thing I Know Number Six. When budgets are going down and audience expectations are going up, you need to be very smart to square the circle (so no pressure there, then).

We all know that budgets in television drama – like budgets everywhere – are going down. Somehow we've got to find a way of coming to terms with this. Get used to it. Treat it as a creative challenge – not easy, but if it was easy, everyone would be doing it....

And talking of risks – The Thing I Know Number Seven is: nothing is a bigger killer of risk than the fear of not succeeding.

Over the years I've tried if not to learn to love failure (think that would be going too far) but at least to learn to live with failure.

Nothing breeds success like failure. If we can learn to understand – as opposed to judge – what worked and what didn't about a drama, then we will have wasted neither the audience's time nor money. And nor will we have wasted all that creative blood, guts and energy....

And finally, The Thing I Know Number Eight. Never forget why television matters.

Russell T Davies said something the other month in an interview he gave that really struck a chord with me. He said "I think it's really hard to say you love television. It's easy to stand up and say I love opera, I love film, I love theatre. And people say 'Oh marvellous, it's quite right.' But it's hard to say you love television. If you do, you sound trivial, superficial, and I'm not. I'm clever. And I know what I'm talking about, and I think it's monstrously unsung as an art form..."

The full text of this very interesting speech is on the BBC’s site.

A few photos from SWF

2008-07-04T22:52:00.001+01:00

Bigr at Flickr.

Good news, bad news

2008-07-04T12:33:00.000+01:00

Back from Cheltenham - the Screenwriters’ Festival was marvellous, and I’ve returned home with a new appreciation for the subtleties of croquet.

Driving through Cheltenham was hellish. I only almost crashed twice, though, so I must be improving. Once I was back on my country roads, I floored it and made it home in no time. After four days with no internet access, I was a bit upset to find that my ISP had shut down my free webspace, which means that anyone looking for scripts listed on tvwriting.googlepages.com wouldn’t have found a dratted thing, thanks to Turner taking umbrage at my possession of one their scripts. After a few phone calls, and some backing down of which The Dark Arrow would be proud, things are back up and running again.

PDF screenplays, on the other hand, has been raped by traffic, and is having a hard time providing scripts. I’ve got nothing to do with the site; no affiliation at all, but since I’ve mentioned it a couple of time, I figured I should clear up what I could.

There will be many photos soon of several bloggers misbehaving.

PDF screenplays is back

2008-06-28T23:28:00.001+01:00

If you didn’t check it out in its previous incarnation, revel in its resurrection.

www.pdfscreenplays.net.

I own the web

2008-06-28T14:09:00.002+01:00

On checking my email this morning, I saw a contact of mine had sent me a script. We’ve been swapping back and forth for a few months, and he thought I might like this one.

I already had it, but I opened it anyway, and was very surprised to see how familiar it looked. Why? Because it was a script I had converted to PDF from a shoddy text file, and sent to someone else!

My contact had got it from a friend in LA who had it from a friend, who’d got it from a friend, and so on, all the way back to me.

What goes around, eh?

We are three!

2008-06-27T18:09:00.002+01:00

The Light, It Hurts

27 June, 2005 -

Three years.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?!

Meeting lots of fab people, of course.

Here’s to you guys.

The decline of youth

2008-06-26T19:52:00.002+01:00

Yesterday was my young stalker friend’s 19th birthday, which meant, as well as getting to feel really old and having to explain who The Velvet Underground were, I actually went to the pub for the first time in months.

I walked in with twenty quid, bought six drinks, and left with two pounds. Lot to pay for a good time.

IT LIVES

2008-06-25T17:47:00.004+01:00

For five glorious weeks in May and June, Sheridan Cleland ran one of the finest script resources ever hatched by the internet: pdfscreenplays.net.

Hosting only scans or original digital copies of movie and TV scripts, it quickly became an essential daily stop known only to a few, until one particular script turned it into a cause celebre.

If you’ve read the Darabont draft for Indy 4 (Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods) in the last week or so, pdfscreenplays is the site that put it out there. And suffered for it.

Happily flying under the wire, building up an incredible screenplay library, Sheridan’s house was ultimately blown down by a link on AICN. How’s that for a mix of metaphors? Alerted by a huge spike in traffic to the City of the Gods script, within no time at all, his hosting company decided he was violating intellectual copyright and shut the site down.

So, the hosting company has taken the site offline because the Darabont draft of Indy IV "was found to be consuming an inordinate amount of processor time, to the point of degrading overall system performance".

But here's the good news:

"In addition to the technical issues surrounding the site causing high load, there is the legal issues around redistributing other peoples work. Screenplays are a form of expression and protected by copyright law. Fanfiction is a fairly clear area - while it is a copyright violation, most copyright holders do not care to enforce their copyrights regarding fan-fiction. However, for the actual screenplays for major Hollywood movies that have been produced, the story differs considerably. Even without a complaint, we can't allow you to host or link to unauthorized copies of such works.

I'm aware that this information is freely available on the internet, but I can also easily download the movies that these scripts are for from other sites on the internet. This does not affect the legality of the situation.

I'm sorry, but we won't be able to continue hosting the pdfscreenplays.net."

Good thing they shut it down; imagine if copies of the script had broken lose and reproduced themselves all over the internet. Thank heavens they stopped that happening, and made the script impossible to find.

Will these fools never learn?

Anyway, a quick look at the site today no longer reveals the hosting company’s brush-off, but rather something far more interesting:

Great news for script freaks.

Finally, old hand at this sort of thing as I am, I can pat myself on the back for having the sense to download the whole site before it went away, including the exclusive, members only, in-production section. Caprica, Nottingham, State of Play, Shutter Island, Burn After Reading, World War Z, The Changeling, Infiltrator, I Want to _ Your Sister, Jennifer’s Body – all great reads. Hancock was shit though, looks like that’s been through a lot of changes.

Friends, send me your want lists and I’ll see what I can do (sorry, Bill, no Green Hornet. John Carter of Mars, though, and At the Mountains of Madness)

Is it next week yet?

2008-06-24T14:08:00.000+01:00

It’s only Tuesday, and I’m absolutely shattered. My right hand woman has been away from work for three weeks with huge gallstones, and I’m struggling to manage everything myself. The whole business will go down the toilet next week, because even I won’t be there. I’ll be thirty miles away, in hoity-toity Cheltenham, enjoying the dual pleasures of Travelodge and the Screenwriters’ Festival. And getting absolutely smashed with many fellow bloggers.

Meme slapped

2008-06-21T09:18:00.004+01:00

This one’s been going around for a while, and at last it’s come to me, all other bloggers having been exhausted. I’m flattered anyone remembered I’m still here! Thoughtful old Good Dog has roused me from my stupor, and instructed me to list 7 songs that have had me foot tapping, eyebrow raising and wig flipping recently. This is harder than it seems, because my iPod is on permanent shuffle and I have no idea what I’m listening to half the time, but I’ll play.

Arcade Fire - The Well and the Lighthouse
from an album that gets better every time I listen to it.

Flight of the Conchords - Robots
binary solo! Great Flaming Lips pastiche, narrowly out-parodying Inner City Pressure, their fine homage to the seemingly beyond parody Pet Shop Boys.

Diamanda Galas - Autumn Leaves
Sadly untraceable on YouTube.

So listen to it instead

Tegan and Sara - Back in Your Head
one of my most listened to albums from last year, still getting regular play.

Jonathan Coulton - Still Alive
triumphant and legendary victory song from Portal. Visit Coulton’s web site for more free tunes.

Hazmat Modine - Lost Fox Train
hella harp.

World’s End Girlfriend - Birthday Resistance
another from 2007 still on the playlist. Crazy and original Japanese classical techno freakout. Again, too weird for YouTube.

Play it play it

Second guessing the day

2008-04-25T18:40:00.001+01:00

Do you ever know, before you even get out of bed, that you’re about to have a truly shitty day?

I did this morning.

And I was completely wrong.

So much for that!

I thought it only happened in sit-coms

2008-04-23T22:18:00.001+01:00

Just had an unfortunate ketchup shaking accident. A vigorous flourish or two, and suddenly there’s fierce red Heinz ejaculate all over my kitchen wall.

D’oh! as the Ood said to the rep.

Goodbyes

2008-03-21T10:32:00.001Z

In a week that the world lost Anthony Minghella, Arthur C Clarke, Paul Schofield, Mr Barraclough and Captain Birdseye I also learned of the death of my old university friend Tim Hogbin.

I hadn't seen Tim for about six years - that's life - but always thought that one day, next time I was down in London, I'd give him and a few people a call and catch up.

Too late.

Time for humble pie

2008-03-19T22:54:00.000Z

Oh, feck. Tonight’s Torchwood (the one on BBC Three, not the carnie one) was really, really good. There may even have been a tiny tear or two.

Damn you, Torchwood, and your vexing inconsistency!

Thoughts on recent telly

2008-03-19T18:14:00.001Z

Now that The Fixer has had two episodes to show me its stuff, I’ve concluded I like it. It's apparent that Ben Richards has had to comply with some idiotic network notes, which leads me to worry that maybe all is not well behind the scenes. If one season is all we end up getting of this enjoyable action show, then that would be a shame. Kudos have successfully updated the classic ITC formula, and tried to bring some quality hour long drama back to ITV. I really, really want it to succeed.

For those that haven't seen it, which seems to be quite a lot of you, judging by the ratings, The Fixer focuses on a group of extra-legal operatives, headed up by the modestly intimidating Lenny Douglas. An ex-copper, Lenny claims to be secretly funded by the State and tasked with controlling and manipulating the criminal underworld. Our window into his operation is John Mercer, an ex-soldier who murders his aunt and uncle in the teaser and then calmly calls the police. Mysteriously granted early release from prison, he soon learns that liberation comes with a price - that he join Lenny’s team as an assassin. Having swapped one sentence for another, Mercer now needs to find a way to enjoy the few freedoms he's granted. So far those include playing with his sister's kids and shagging beauticians. Such an unhappy lot he has!

It could all be very good stuff, as long as ITV leave it well enough alone.

Sticking with ITV for the moment, the second season of Primeval ended a few weeks ago, and if there was ever a show whose reach exceeded its grasp, this is it. It's nonsense. I really can't bear to watch it, and yet I do anyway, if only to see how they're going to throw away their premise this week. Season Two tried to come back BIGGER, BOLDER, BADDER, but limped its way through six episodes, desperately trying to prove it was actually about something other than it’s unconvincing CGI, by throwing in a half-assed conspiracy plot. Douglas Henshall looked more angst-ridded on a weekly basis, and Hannah Spearitt didn’t prance around in her pants enough. Season Three is already a goer,and is bound to be more of the same.

Sigh, what else? The Last Enemy, the BBC's big polit-thriller for 2008, failed to ignite despite the combined talents of Robert Carlysle and Max Beesley, and was sadly very dull indeed. No-one who writes about it fails to mention Benedict Cumberbatch’s wonderful name, presumably because they can find nothing to say about his expressiveness.

Torchwood. Torchwood, Torchwood, Torchwood. After a competent start to the new season, you seemed to be on a roll. Except for Meat, which was rubbish; irredeemable even by a face-tasering Ianto. You killed Owen! Hurray! But then you bought him back from the dead, and I had to forcibly asphyxiate myself because I couldn’t stand it.

Owen the Foul, a creepy rapey twunt who deserved a horrible TV death more than anyone I can think of, is finally done away with. Did you think anyone would be upset? No, we were all cheering! Then you bought him back to life and made him miserable. Did you think we’d care? No, we wanted him to be dead again. And cremated. And nevermore spoken of from this day forth. Then - then, sweet Jesus make this painful storyline stop, you had him come to terms with his unfeeling resurrected existence and thought we'd be pleased for him. No, I have not missed the bitter parallel of Jack living forever and Owen being dead forever, you just made a shitty job of it, you stupid, stupid TV show.

Remote control go “click.” And here we are with Kudos again. There's nothing wrong with Ashes to Ashes. I love the production values, and the performances, and actually think the toe-rag of the week storylines are more effective and better integrated into the fantasy than those in Life on Mars, but for some reason, the show can’t connect with me in the same way as its parent. I don't know if it's the locations, the year, the protaganist, or what, but Ashes to Ashes has yet to really strike a chord with me.

Like pretty much everyone else, I fell in love with Being Human. I thought it was brilliant both in concept and execution, but don't imagine for a second it will be back. It was just too promising. Although is anyone else shocked by the number of vampires in Bristol? What could possibly be the cause?

Ah, so much disappointment and compromise. Thank heavens, then, for Skins; improbably the most perfect show on telly right now. And Cranford, which I missed, but am catching on DVD. It's brilliant!

I am also extra impressed with Portal. It may not be telly, but it’s all on the same screen so there. Portal is a triumph of small-scale storytelling. And with me not being able to play Burnout without starting to hyperventilate, it satisfies my game craving like nothing else.

Write-off

2008-03-08T23:30:00.003Z

Leicester was great, although I am the worst networker ever. I think I spoke to about six people all day. And fell off the smoking wagon. Hard. My chest hurts.

The whole day was valuable, but I’ll single out Jed Mercurio’s closing keynote for special comment, because it was so straightforward, honest, and cynically hilarious. Much like Bodies.

An inspirational day.

But I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about what happened afterwards.

I got lost off the Fosse Way on the way home from Leicester. Somewhere between here and there, I hope I never quite remember, there is a Hell Town of Cthonic loyalties called Brinklow. Like Strangehaven, there is only one road in and out. You can take it as many times as you like, but will always find yourself back in Brinklow before the town’s lights have vanished from your rear-view mirror.

Driven to frustration and insanity; approaching Brinklow for the fourth time, a DARK POWER forced my car to clip a kerb. The tire burst, the wheel collapsed, the car span across lanes. Moments later, I was deposited in a ditch, surrounded by broken glass and branches, rain pouring through my missing windows.

Miraculously, I was unharmed. I called my dad to come pick me up, and the breakdown guys to bear my car away. Throughout the wait, I was lucky enough to be cared for by three lads on their way to a friend's eighteenth. They kept me warm in their car, and plied me with fags and booze, at the expense of a waiting chip supper. A motorway maintenance crew turned up, and we pulled the car out of the ditch onto the road. I was feeling pretty good, but my soul was in mortal peril. The town was surely seducing me by sending its agents to “help”. At that very moment, my dad was driving blindly around Warwickshire, unable to locate Brinklow or me. I swear I saw him drive right by me twice, and never slow down or look my way.

After a couple of hours the breakdown truck arrived, and somehow dispelled Brinklow's eerie hold. In quick succession my dad arrived, and my guardians, Gus, Andy and A.N Other (sorry, I can't remember), melted into the night. Sadly for my dad's car, I was so pumped with adrenaline, I pulled the door handle clean off trying to get in. The reason for his navigational confusion was less sinister than I imagined: he wasn't under an evil spell at all, he was just shitfaced after watching the rugby all afternoon.

Field Trip

2008-03-07T13:23:00.002Z

At a little after seven o'clock (ye Gods!) tomorrow morning, I will be heading off up the Fosse Way to Leicester, to attend De Montford University's TV Writers' Day.

Anyone else going? If I read this press release, issued on Monday, correctly, there may still be some places left. If you'd like to go and chat-up the likes of Kate Rowland and Jed Mecurio (and meet me, you lucky devils), it could well be worth your while calling 0116 250 6470.

What the frak is going on?

2008-03-06T19:49:00.001Z

Is the so-called “Golden Age of Television” winding down? With The Sopranos gone, The Wire on the way out, and Lost and Battlestar Galactica quite publicly announcing their planned endings, it seems so.

Galactica’s fourth and final season kicks off on April 4th. Don’t know if the whole repeated four thing was intentional, but hey, it’s a nice birthday present for me.

Sci-fi are running a re-cap of seasons 1-3 on their site, but if you’re not in North America, forget about trying to watch. Instead, just go to YouTube, to catch up on the last five years in eight minutes.

Better still, just hit play:

You spin me round, round, baby right round.

2008-03-05T17:01:00.002Z

I got outbid on that PS3 in the end. Rather a good thing to be honest; I didn't really want one. No, what I really wanted was an X-Box 360, so on Sunday I shod the Peugeot and cantered into Oxford to buy a sexy black Elite. I have no shame in admitting that, moulded from Satan's turds as he may be, I would gladly lick Bill Gates' vinegary nerd balls for having birthed this miracle of modern engineering (yes, I can say that with a straight face, and will continue to until lassooed by the Red Ring of Death). An unholy love has been consummated this week between man and machine, mostly to the thumping, trance-like strains of RezHD.

I love X-Box Arcade. I love how it's made Symphony of the Night available for a paltry £6.80. I love the spruced-up Prince of Persia Classic. I love being able to download HD movie rentals (okay it's not true HD: it's got the pixels but lacks the bit-rate, but it's still a whole lotta lovin better looking than a DVD).

I adore that with a tiny £10 app I can stream photos, music and videos off my iMac straight onto my telly, and that torrented TV shows look ace, upscaled and post-processed.

I haven't yet jumped into the waters of X-Box Live, but my Gamertag is Marston1604, should I ever take the plunge and you're hanging around, looking for a n00b's ass to kick.

I'm happy enough offline though. In fact, with Burnout, I am in Paradise.

American Gods online

2008-03-02T23:28:00.001Z

So the result of the poll to put one of Neil Gaiman’s books online to celebrate his seventh blogoversary is in.

The winner is American Gods, which is disappointing, as I recall thinking the book somewhat unremarkable. A re-read might change my mind; however, I won’t be taking the opportunity online, cos Harper-Collins e-reader is atrocious.

Going? Gone.

2008-03-01T15:28:00.000Z

Sometimes I get the horn so badly, I have to spend a lot of money. Which doesn’t mean what you think it means, but would probably be better if it did. In fact, I’m considering a spot of Amsterdam sex-tourism in the near future, if Chippy can’t start presenting me with options. I’ve even looked at flights.

But that’s not what I’m talking about right now.

I’ve subsumed my aching libido in eBay and Telebids, taking part in dozens of auctions, and spending money on - in some cases quite literally and idiotically - nothing.

Oh, and FYI, FFS, etc, it is auction, and not “oktion.” I don’t care if it is for charity and the auctioneer’s famous.

Shit, I might be about to win a PS3. Oh Gods, what have I done? Why did I bid?

I should have had a wank instead.

Psycho Killer fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa

2008-02-27T22:03:00.000Z

There can’t be many people reading who aren’t already aware of Michael C Hall’s terrific turn in Dexter, the series based on Jeff Lindsay’s series of novels.

For those not in the know, however, ITV1 begin broadcasting the first season tonight, in about half an hour.

Hall plays the eponymous Dexter, a blood splatter analyst for Miami PD by day, and serial killer by night. The twist: he only hunts other killers, following a code set down by his foster father, ex-cop Harry Morgan.

The show is darkly, very bleakly, comic; satisfyingly gory; and plays neatly with its viewers’ sympathies by getting us onside with a truly twisted, yet undoubtedly lovable, sociopath.

Go on, give it a stab.

Did the earth move for you?

2008-02-27T09:42:00.003Z

Apparently there was a chuffing big earthquake this morning - 4.9 on the scale; Britain's biggest in thirty years.

I slept through the whole thing - those who were exposed to my snoring last week will hardly be surprised.

Ashes to Ashes pilot script

2008-02-26T13:21:00.004Z

Those darling little monkeys at The BBC's Writers' Room have done it again. Episode One of Ashes to Ashes is now available to download, print, read, sell on eBay etc.

Don't forget the first episode of Life on Mars is also available, as well as scripts from its Kudos stablemates Spooks and Hustle.

Redurn dicket do doddingham, please

2008-02-25T18:05:00.001Z

I’m back! Actually, I got back on Saturday night, but what with one thing and another, I’ve only got around to announcing it now. Yeah, how do you like them apples?

Anyhow, the week was great. In spite of sunburn, a twisted ankle, falls, food poisoning, a wretched cold and deafness over Paris on the way home, it was brilliant! My skiing has improved a hundred fold. No, a thousand fold. My French, not so much. I’d been quite apprehensive about going again, as I didn’t think I managed very well last year, but now I wouldn’t hesitate to hit the slopes again. Love it, love it, love it.

However, the legendary cracked ski-heel of doom prevented me playing football yesterday, which I had been looking forward to all week. Got back in time to watch Eduardo’s foot fall off on Match of the Day, though. Mon dieu! And, most mightily, zut alors!

Away

2008-02-16T12:08:00.000Z

Lucky bastard that I am, I’m off for another free ski. While I’m away, could someone pop in a tape for Primeval (ITV1, Sat), The Last Enemy (BBC1, Sun), Skins (E4, Mon), Torchwood (BBC2, Wed), and Ashes to Ashes (BBC1, Thur)?

Who says there’s never anything on? Cheers.

Funniest/saddest overheard exchange of the day

2008-02-14T16:23:00.001Z

"I'm sorry, but we only have Dr D-- available for appointments this afternoon."
"He's not a doctor, he's a murderer."

Brrrr.

Out with the old

2008-02-12T18:47:00.000Z

City of Vice concluded it’s first season on Channel 4 last night. Did it go out with a bang; a rioutous cornucopia of 18th century violence, whoring, disease, swearing and politics? Sadly no. It was the dullest episode of the bunch, an altogether leaden, preachy, cost cutting, on-the-nose docu-drivel affair.

Skins, on the other hand, bounded onto the screen like a breakdancing chiuaua. Take anything, shag anyone Tony got Jason Streeted by a Bristol omnibus last season. Oh, the humanity! Now a stuttering mental wreck who can’t open his own flies or remember where he lives, he stumbles around searching for lost memories while everyone around him dances, and dances and dances.

Dott's last tape

2008-02-11T17:25:00.000Z

The BBC’s writersroom has already had one mention today, from Jane Espenson, no less; but I’m gonna stand up and cheer for ‘em too, ‘cos they’ve gone and got hold of Tony Jordon’s recent script for EastEnders. You know, the one everyone’s going on about – Dot Cotton, a tape recorder, and a thirty minute one-hander.

Loverly.

Gaiman Giveaway

2008-02-10T10:23:00.000Z

In honour of his seventh blogoversary, Harper Collins have agreed to let Neil Gaiman give away one of his books online.

But which will it be?

Ah, that's up to you.

What I want you to do is think -- not about which of the books below is your favourite, but if you were giving one away to a friend who had never read anything of mine, what would it be? Where would you want them to start?

Would it be with “better than Stephen King or your money back” American Gods; the “starts with a song” Anansi Boys; the “soon to be a major motion picture” Coraline; the “Phoenix Film Critics’ Society ‘Overlooked Film of the Year’” Stardust; the “should never have been filmed, better as a comic” Neverwhere; or the pot pourris Fragile Things, Smoke and Mirrors or M is for Magic?

The choice is yours.

Inexplicably to this blogger, American Gods has bowled into the lead with a whopping 28% of the vote. Neverwhere’s in hot pursuit at 21%. Both are “typical” Gaiman, but I think if I wanted to introduce a willing subject to Gaiman’s prose, I’d hand them the scary, sentimental YA novel Coraline, an altogether lovely book. And eating everyone else’s dust at 7%. W.T.F?

Screenwriting 2.0

2008-02-09T23:44:00.000Z

Tip of the hat to Alex for highlighting Scripped, a web-based screenwriting app, along the lines of Google docs, and the 37signals portfolio.

Scripped is, to be fair, pretty bare-boned, but not quite as minimalist as the similarly web-based ScriptBuddy - it at least has an export to PDF function (ScriptBuddy makes you pay for this privilege) and a much more streamlined interface. It also has what looks like a pretty decent draft management system.

Of course, for all their potential networking features, remote storage and platform agnosticism, the downside of all server-side apps is that they can only be used when you’re online: handy in a fi’d up coffee shop, not so useful on public transport. And feature wise, they can never compete with dedicated desktop apps such as Montage (my own preference), Scrivener (superb for organising and drafting documents), and the increasingly capable Celtx (FREE!); and that’s just on the Mac.

Still, I daresay Scripped will find an enthusiastic audience of admirers, and good luck to them. I’m sadly still an old-world paranoid who dreads the thought of his data in another man’s arms, and will remain wedded to my hard-drive apps for as long as they’ll have me.

City of Vice

2008-02-08T16:55:00.002Z

While we’re on the subject of retro policing, anyone seen City of Vice? Rather immodestly billed by Channel Four as the UK’s very own Deadwood, it is pretty fucking far from being anything of the sort, though it does feature some rather inventive swearing: “fuckster” and “encuntment” being particularly sniggerworthy.

The series documents the attempts of the brothers Fielding (John and Henry – he of Joseph Andrews and Tom Jones fame) to institute London’s first police force, the Bow Street Runners, seventy-five years before Sir Robert Peel eventually founded the Met.

CoV has a magnificent cast, and is obviously meticulously researched, but it has a budget that would barely cover the cost of christmas decorations in an old folks home. My primary school’s nativity play probably has more money spent on it. We’re told London is a throbbing metropolis where the poor live fifty to a room, but when we visit one of these slums, there’s not a soul to be found. Possibly they’ve all scarpered to avoid five-o, or are hiding under dust-sheets like pre-Christian Jewish revolutionaries; nevertheless, there’s a distinctive lack of life on the patently set-bound streets.

Episodes one and two were much enjoyed by the broadsheet critics, but they were some of the clumsiest cock I’ve ever seen. C4 have had an appalling run with new drama lately, from Meadowlands to Ghost Squad by way of Goldplated, so fortunately I was already expecting derisory nonsense, but I couldn’t believe this crap (I paraphrase):

RUNNER
Where can we find this debauched molly?

PERIWIGGED, POWDERED AND PERFUMED POOF
Sodomite Alley

HENRY (V.O)
We had to go to Sodomite Alley

RUNNER
Right, let’s go to Sodomite Alley

Whizzy 3D 18th Century London A-Z effect, zooming onto a street labelled Sodomite Alley

EXT. SODOMITE ALLEY – NIGHT

TITLE: Sodomite Alley

HENRY (V.O)
Eventually,we made our way to Sodomite Alley

RUNNER
Here we are, then. Sodomite Alley.

Sodomites? In alleys? Never before have I heard of such a thing.

Frankly, if it wasn’t for Ian McDiarmid and Iain Glen, I wouldn’t have given this a second look. Their performances are magnetic. When McDiarmid as Henry Fielding returns to the scene of a burglary, only to discover the home that was cleared out yesterday is miraculously restored, and its owner would rather buy everything back from the thieves than suffer the indignity of reporting a crime, Fielding’s frustration that the victim has the nerve to be “sitting on his own fucking furniture!” perfectly communicates the difficulty of getting people to recognise the authority and utility of an organised police force.

But the performances couldn’t overcome the fact that CoV is a show with an identity crisis, which will commit to neither fact or drama. Is it a docu-drama or period procedual? Entertainment or education? Fish or fowl? Arthur or Martha? Episodes one and two were as thrilling as an Open University segment. It was as if someone had spliced together all the scripted segments from a history doc, edited out all the graphs and talking heads and repackaged it as a drama, forgettng that it ought to be exciting. And then, suddenly, episode three was rather good, and episode four, which was a contination of the story, was even better. Out of the filth and pestilence there was drama, and tension, and conflicting agendas and more swearing, and less hand-holding and hectoring, and fewer expository voiceovers, and so I looked upon it, and saw it was good.

But not as good as Terry Pratchett’s Watch novels.

And anyway, there’s only one episode left, so who knows if we’ll get to see what could be a potentially fascinating show develop any further.

Ashes to Ashes

2008-02-08T08:09:00.000Z

I was expecting to be disappointed. After all, in a dust up between The Sweeney and Dempsey and Makepeace, there’s only going to be one winner, isn’t there?

But Ashes to Ashes was a delightful surprise. Enough similarities to its parent to be familiar, and enough differences to mark it out as its own creature.

I will continue to watch.

And, of course, Keeley Hawes was lovely.

A day at De Montford, part deux

2008-02-04T19:17:00.000Z

Last year, De Montford Uni inconsiderately hosted their Getting It Written, Getting It Read event while I was skiing. The day was very well received, and so this year, having been good enough to consult my social calendar before announcing anything, they have now confirmed that 2008’s untitled Television Scriptwriting Workshop will take place on the 8th March.

With a focus on writing for soap operas and television dramas, and Jed Mercurio as keynote speaker, this should be right up many peoples’ street.

If anyone’s still reading, and would like to book a place, contact Hayley Durham, whose email address is pghums at dmu dot ac dot uk.

NetNewsWire is free

2008-01-09T20:30:00.000Z

As in, it costs no money. The best newsreader on the planet, and one of the best Mac apps, period, has just become freeware.

Good on you, Brent!

Sunday surprise

2007-12-23T21:45:00.000Z

Andy pretty near tore his finger off playing football today. I tell you, that was a grisly injury; blood everywhere, very painful.

When I got home, had a shower, ate me tea, I cast about a bit for something to do. I could have gone out, read a book, picked up the guitar, but was just too restless to concentrate. In the end I settled for the old standby of channel hopping. Of course, digital integration now means that blindly punching the remote gives you almost as much chance of hitting a radio station as a TV channel, and I ended up listening, absolutely riveted, to Radio Three’s presentation of The Pitmen Painters, by Lee Hall (Billy Elliott).

In the 1930’s, a group of miners from Ashington started an adult education group, and after completing a course on evolution decided to tackle art appreciation, not knowing what art appreciation was. After fruitless attempts to explain art and art history with a slide projector, Durham University lecturer Robert Lyons, in exasperation, tells them to try it themselves. In doing so, he forces them to confront their own desires and disappointments by realising the only way they will ever understand art is to become artists.

What Lee Hall then does with this factual material is create a play, both moving and hilarious, that examines notions of artistry, ownership of art, privilege and overcoming the strictures of class expectations.

It’s a very fine play, and if you find yourselves with nothing to do in the next seven days, you can listen to it using the BBC’s iPlayer service.

Let's Twist again

2007-12-22T15:22:00.000Z

The BBC’s Oliver Twist ends tonight. Stripped over the last week, it may well have been a great bit of telly, or not; I really couldn’t say. I’ve read the book four times and seen twice as many adaptations, and just couldn’t be arsed with another one. I mean, Oliver bloomin’ Twist; it’s not exactly Shakespeare, is it?

A deep sigh of relief

2007-12-21T15:14:00.001Z

Presumably coming at Macworld - Leopard's dumbest feature, refined:

TV: Best of the new

2007-12-21T11:01:00.000Z

John Rogers says Life is the best new network show of the fall. I like it, but I don’t love it. Not even in my top three.

Currently rocking the Thomson satisfaction scale, in descending order, are:

Chuck – I wasn’t the pilot’s biggest fan, thinking that Reaper was more solid, and had better legs. Sketchy, unsympathetic characters and the obvious built-in obsolescence of the premise really turned me off. But whereas Reaper has given us the same episode every Tuesday, Chuck has developed into my most eagerly anticipated show of the week. Hot women, great action, unresolved sexual tension, and laugh out loud geek humour make this a winner. Plus, I’m a little bit gay for Captain Awesome. Who isn’t?

Pushing Daisies – alright, so it’s sweet enough to topple a diabetic. It’s also constantly inventive, snappy, and balances its heart-warming whimsy with often cruel cynicism and a vein of dark humour as black and bitter as the purest chocolate.

Journeyman – although sadly going no further, this was a great new take on the travelling angel genre, which, like Chuck, overcame a wobbly pilot and became a very rare thing indeed: a mature genre show. No angst ridden super-powered teenagers here, just a man trying to keep his life together while doing the bidding of a faceless, nameless agency. Pulled just as an interesting mythology began to develop. Shame.

As for best new cable show of the year – that’s a no-brainer, innit.

More DVD news

2007-12-16T20:47:00.000Z

‘Tis the season to be jolly, indeed.

A year and a half back, I wrote about the obsession and dedication of Craig Robins, the Stephen Moffat fan who petitioned the Beeb to grant him a licence to publish the DVD of Moffat’s lost 90’s sit-com Joking Apart.

The first season release was a true labour of love, and must have done well, because this landed in my inbox this afternoon:

Now what would you really like for Christmas this year? How about Joking Apart Series 2 on DVD? Sadly, Santa can't deliver because it won't be out in time but at least you'll be able to have it as soon as it's released on 17th March 2008.

It will be a two-disc set this time and the extras include commentaries on all episodes featuring Steven Moffat, Robert Bathurst, Fiona Gillies, Tracie Bennett, Paul Raffield, Andre Ptaszynski (producer), Bob Spiers (director) and Stacey Adair (Production Manager); the 1991 Joking Apart pilot episode (one of a series of pilots that were shown under the umbrella title of 'Comic Asides'); a complete set of scripts in pdf format; 'Joking Apart in the Studio' pdf article; plus a colourful companion booklet. Theoretically, we could just about have squeezed everything onto one very full disc but only at the expense of picture quality, so I opted for two discs instead, especially as a lot of work had been put into digitally restoring the episodes. They genuinely look far better now than they did when shown on TV in 1995. And the inclusion of the pilot will be particularly welcomed by all those of you who emailed me, asking for it.

The DVD is available to pre-order now on our new look website. Pre-orders will be despatched during the week preceding official release.

Season One was very,very funny, and with Moffat commentary, and scripts to boot, this is a package that’s really too good to miss.

Burned Vamp show comes to DVD

2007-12-15T09:05:00.000Z

Those of you, ie everyone, who follow DMc’s blog, might also have been catching Blood Ties, the PI/Vampire show he worked on last year, that has been airing on Lifetime in the States, CityTV in Canada, and Living in the UK. It’s not the greatest show in the world (which, by the way, is back next month), but it is a fun chunk of supernatural action with a hot love triangle and mad goth wardrobe and so, I suppose, mission accomplished.

Lifetime split the season into two chunks, labelling the back half of the produced season one as season two. Who knows why these decisions get made; we can only watch from afar, shrug our shoulders and carry on.

Without Lifetime’s support, it doesn’t look as though Blood Ties will be getting a second (or third, depending on your point of view) season, and its final two episodes have been burnt off online. Streamed, no less. Yuck.

Of these last two eps, Denis says:

The script I wrote (that now won't show on TV in the US, I guess, what a drag) is one of my favorite pieces of writing I've ever done. A really cool story that was well-made and well cast. And Peter's season finale was a thing of beauty too.

Scarred overseas fans can take some solace, however, in the news that Contender Entertainment have announced the Region 2 DVD set of all 22 episodes, due to be released in January. No news on features, but here’s the pic:

No Flint, no light

2007-11-27T18:03:00.000Z

For a year, Latigo Flint has been seen only in nightmares. Vanished from the face of the world, the tales surrounding his disappearance grow taller with each passing day.

Some say he took to his horse and roams the trails of the big country, his mad-eyed and traumatised sweetheart barista at his side. Others, that his mostly reliable sidekick Kid Relish shot him in the eye over a sushi dish, and dragged his bier into brushfire. Poppies grow in their mingled ashes.

By far the most plausible explanation to these ears, is that he returned to the running grounds of the wolves that raised him, and hunts there still, under the moon, a bloody pelt bone-knitted to his torso.

I miss him, but a part of him remains with us, for his blog archives survive. If you’ve never read them, now is as good a time as any.

Want some Moore?

2007-11-25T11:40:00.000Z

By now, most of you should have seen last night’s Galactica special - Razor. I saw it weeks ago because, of course, I am awesome. I thought it was terrific, answering several lingering questions, and opening up whole new avenues for the show to explore next year (if it ever gets the chance).

As you would expect, the episode comes with podcast on Sci-Fi’s site. Not, scotch and smokes in hand, a Ron Moore commentary - that’s being saved for the extended DVD release, but a four hour recording of the writers’ meeting in which the story was first pitched to the executive producer.

Set some time aside and have a listen.

Two? Already?

2007-11-21T20:17:00.000Z

Damn, I can’t watch this; it’s a nightmare.

Free book!

2007-11-21T18:56:00.000Z

Still much missed from the pages of Edge, Scrivener fan and Kindle critic Stephen Poole has responded to Amazon’s nutty digi-book service by offering his own book, Trigger Happy: The Inner Life of Video Games as a free PDF on his blog.

In his own write:

Trigger Happy is a book about the aesthetics of videogames — what they share with cinema, the history of painting, or literature; and what makes them different, in terms of form, psychology and semiotics. It was first published in 2000; this is the revised edition with the Afterword written in 2001. It’s offered under a CC license, for a limited time only. I’m not sure how limited that time will be, so grab it while it’s hot.

I read the book about five years ago, and it totally transformed the way I look at video games. It really is as good a piece of games journalism as you’ll find, and you’d be a huge wally not to grab it while you can.

A complete archive of Poole’s Edge columns is also available at his site. Read, read, read.

It's starting to look a lot like Christmas

2007-11-18T20:11:00.001Z

This does not usually happen in November. Someone call Greenzo!

I'm back, or am I? Obligatory monthly post

2007-10-26T09:26:00.000+01:00

I am so rough this morning, you could strip us both down and use me as a loofah.

Now imagine Mick Hucknall whispering those words to you as you struggle to wake up.

Yep, that's how I feel today.

Last night went something like: work, pub - do not pass "home," drink, drink, other stuff, last orders, lost keys. As luck would have it, my brother was fortunately - or maybe habitually - also in the pub, so after traipsing back to his pad, a couple of spliffs and an hour or so of Halo 3, I slept in my clothes on his sofa.

My brother lives quite a way out of town, and it took me almost an hour to walk to work because he was too hungover to give me a lift.

On my way, I caused a car crash.

Who to hibernate

2007-09-03T21:17:00.000+01:00

Doctor Who’s fifth season has been put on hold until 2010, while David Tennant plays Hamlet at the RSC.

Season Four will air next year, and 2009 will see three specials starring Tennant, penned by Russell T Davis.

BBC press release.

August

2007-09-01T18:58:00.000+01:00

August was undoubtedly the suckiest month ever, redeemed ever so slightly by a good friend’s wedding in Brighton. That was great.

Other than that, I broke my foot, spent two weeks at home on my own with no-one to talk to all day, and at the end of it all, was diagnosed with depression and prescribed pills that give me the shits.

And it wasn’t even sunny. Fucker!

Congrats to everyone who completed their Red Planet script. If I could have maintained a train of thought for more than ten minutes I’d have been there with you, brothers and sisters. Excuses, excuses, eh? Best of luck.

Apple and NBC call it a day

2007-08-31T20:49:00.000+01:00

In the comments to TV on iTunes, Stephen Gallagher, taking the long view, wrote regarding paid-for television downloads:

The future's pretty much set. It's going to be one click, a deduction from your online credit account that's so small you don't think about it, and a download that's no different to an off-air recording.

I think we'll get there eventually, but not with the fucktards at NBC running the show.

News broke today that NBC were not willing to renew their contract with Apple, allowing the computer company to offer downloads of NBC's TV shows through iTunes, without renegotiating terms. Specifically, they wanted what Apple have so far denied every single one of its partners - the ability to determine pricing. Apple have always stuck to their guns in regards to pricing, even though it has sometimes cost them - as it did earlier this year when Universal Music threw their toys out of the pram and refused to resign.

NBC, perhaps thinking that they could bully Apple (who currently control 80% of the online channel) into letting them have their own way, must have been pretty surprised when a press release was later issued, point blank telling the greedy twat-weasels to go fuck themselves.

Apple® today announced that it will not be selling NBC television shows for the upcoming television season on its online iTunes® Store (www.itunes.com). The move follows NBC’s decision to not renew its agreement with iTunes after Apple declined to pay more than double the wholesale price for each NBC TV episode, which would have resulted in the retail price to consumers increasing to $4.99 per episode from the current $1.99. ABC, CBS, FOX and The CW, along with more than 50 cable networks, are signed up to sell TV shows from their upcoming season on iTunes at $1.99 per episode.

What an embarrasment for NBC. And what an entertaining spat.

The numbers are down

2007-08-30T17:59:00.000+01:00

Mostly, anyway:

Check out the spend on originated output - down £200m in five years!

Clicking the image will take you to the television section Ofcom's annual Communications Market Report for 2007; several hundred pages of telecoms porn, and always interesting reading.

TV on iTunes

2007-08-29T11:12:00.000+01:00

Rather a surprise - Apple have finally, with no fanfare at all, begun adding TV shows to the UK’s iTunes store. Nothing from the Beeb, or ITV and C4; rather US content from Disney, ABC and Paramount Comedy.

This means the likes of Lost, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, South Park, Spongebob Squarepants and more - pretty much the same as the initial offerings when the video service was launched Stateside.

Prices are rather steeper than $1.99 however, with single episodes coming in at £1.89 a pop! That’s $3.80. Something about that feels a bit uncomfortable - must be Steve Jobs' knuckled fist up my bum.

Fortunately, season packs are available with hefty discounts. A full season of Lost will set you back £32.99, a tenner less than if one were to buy the individual episodes. Still more than a DVD, but the picture quality’s good and the convenience can’t be argued with.

Here’s to more content soon (what are the chances of simultaneous US\UK releases, do you think?)

Snooze

2007-08-24T22:47:00.000+01:00

Well, this is boring. I spent nearly all of today napping on the sofa, more like an octogenarian than a strapping mumble-something. The temazepam must be finally having an effect. Yes, broken foot and insomnia. Although the sleeplessness came first. Exhaustion and lack of concentration may have played a part in the injury. Whatever next, eh? Or heretofore, as the case may be.

I don’t know. I’m confused.

Crunch

2007-08-22T11:48:00.000+01:00

I will be the first to admit, having never broken a bone before, that when I see footballers howl in agony and take eight weeks off when someone stands on their foot, my first thought tends to be something like: bloody great overpaid sissy prancing fairy-boys.

Well, if Beckham or Rooney were ever upset by this (and I suspect it may have put them slightly off-balance), I apologise. I apologise because I can attest that it flaming well hurts.

I have mentioned from time to time that I play a regular game of five-a-side with some buddies from the pub. We’ve been doing this for a year and a half, and although most of us are now pretty fit, we’re still crappy footballers. This can be rather dangerous.

I’ve certainly had my fair share of bruised shins and bloody noses resulting from wayward feet and high-speed collisions, but never anything that could invalid me out of the next game. Now, however, I can claim rightful brotherhood with the pantheon of footballing heroes by boasting that I have had broken the legendary 5th metatarsal of my right foot.

There I was, end of the first half, right on the edge of the penalty area, only the keeper to beat, ready to shoot, unable to miss when FUCK AH FUCK SHIT GOD DAMN DAMN SHIT AH I’m okay, I’m okay, play on, I’ll just go and run it under the tap for a bit.

Which I did, and then I came back and played the rest of the game, because I’m a testosterone charged, pain loving macho strong man freak, who worried that if he limped off, everyone would think him a bloody great sissy prancing fairy-boy.

Lunatic! Fool! Poltroon! That night I couldn’t sleep I was in so much pain; so first thing Monday morning, I put on three pair of socks, tied my laces really tight and hobbled all the way to the first aid unit at the hospital. Who sent me to my GP. At the other end of town. Who sent me back to the hospital, for an X-Ray. Which finally confirmed, after two hours limping around town, with the cold-sweats and ready to puke, that I had a broken foot and needed to go to the nearest A&E.

Thirteen miles away.

That poor radiologist. I could see she hated giving me the news, the entire weight of the PCT’s inadequacies weighing upon her. I felt sorry for her, but I killed her anyway. I mean, what would you have done?

She lies in peace now, entombed in her lead lined lab. I found myself a lift to Banbury, got myself checked out and cast by some very pretty young girls, and now have nothing to do but splay on the sofa with my foot on a pillow, trawling Facebook for old school friends and fielding calls from panicked and over-harried workmates.

And I can’t wait until I can play again.

TV at Comic-con

2007-07-29T14:02:00.000+01:00

Time to change the name, perhaps?

        •        Lucy Lawless to return to Battlestar Galactica for a three episode arc in S4
        •        Joss Whedon hopes to (finally) make Ripper, with Anthony Stewart Head, as 90 minute BBC film in 2008
        •        Kevin Smith to write and direct an episode of Heroes: Origin
        •        Bryan Fuller talks Pushing Daisies

A woman is only a woman, but Mad Men is a Smoke

2007-07-24T20:44:00.000+01:00

You may have seen this new show from ex-Sopranos man Matthew Weiner mentioned on one or two blogs lately. Michael Sullivan gave us the heads up some time ago, and DMc and Kay have weighed in recently with lavish praise.

Don't look at me to rock the boat. I loved it.

Set within the advertising world of 1960’s New York, Mad Men is a period piece so well done it could almost pass as a contemporary of Sweet Smell of Success and The Apartment. With less than a minute gone of the opening scene I was there - late night bar, whisky, Lucky Strikes; oh, and later, racism and sexism so ingrained that even expressed in the most blatant tones it barely musters a reaction. Difficult material for an actor to pull off.

The pilot drops us into this world just as Don Draper, mid-level executive at Sterling Cooper Advertising Agency, is preparing to face his worst work day ever. With younger rivals lining up to challenge his supremacy, and beginning to feel washed-up, Draper tries not to think about the meeting he has with his biggest client. Government has ruled that cigarette advertising can no longer promote the spurious health benefits of smoking, and Lucky Strike need a new approach to their campaign. Draper, he’s got nothing.

As this is a pilot episode, it has to be someone’s first day on the job, and here’s Peggy, Don’s new secretary. Peggy begins by resisting the lechery of the men who see the office as their playground, but then later listens to the advice of her female co-workers - who see snatching an executive as their ticket to the good life - to cozy up to them.

Just as we think we’re getting to know Don and Peggy, Weiner shows us something of each at the end of the show that makes us reconsider our perceptions. Nothing shocking or gratuitous; no-one gets whacked or anything. We’re just reminded that occasionally, people do unexpected things - sometimes because we think we know them better than we do, or because they think they know themselves better than they do. Presented with Freud’s idea that all human beings harbour a death wish, Salvatore - clearly a closeted homosexual - scoffs “people are living one way and secretly thinking the exact opposite? That’s ridiculous!” Actually, it appears to be the essence of Mad Men.

Into the sunset

2007-07-18T20:40:00.000+01:00

Anyone interested in seeing how Tim Minear’s most recent ill-fated project may have continued may like to know that the final two episodes of Drive have been dumped by Fox onto their myspace page.

It’s only available in the USA, but I expect webrips to show up within the hour, a la the excellent Daybreak.

The final two shooting scripts of the season are also available at timminear.net, where you can also read scripts from The Inside, a show I thought would have got a lot better had it continued (and did, as the entire production run of 13 eps ran on ITV4). However, the opening episodes were boring, so it got what it deserved.

Scripts for Wonderfalls can be found here.

Firefly scripts are here.

Oh, and don’t miss Wonderfalls’ Bryan Fuller’s confectionary new delight, Pushing Daisies, coming soon. The pilot’s had all kinds of wonderful buzz, and the script was terrific.

Dexter: Season Two preview

2007-07-18T18:37:00.000+01:00

Some of the old men of my tribe led me to a place where I could watch the first two episodes of Dexter’s second season, due to air in September.

I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone - which means, as Season One is currently airing in the UK, that there’s not much I can say at all.

I think it’s pretty safe to report though that Showtime’s serial killer thriller picks up five weeks after the events of season one’s finale, and I’m pleased to say is as dark and twisted as ever. Michael C Hall remains as compelling as he did throughout the first storyline, playing a monster with maybe more humanity than he’d admit to, retaining our sympathy even as he commits (or angsts about being unable to commit) atrocious deeds.

The main serial-killer storyline for the season looks like it’s going to hit very close to home for Debs and Dex, and Dexter’s relationship with Rita is primed to go to very strange places, as he makes a surprising admission to her in episode two.

Frankly, I’m really psyched for the rest of the season. Good times!

A fool and his money

2007-07-09T08:29:00.000+01:00

I’m not going to the pub again. I popped down after yesterday’s woeful game of footie for one pint and a spot of post-game analysis/mutual self-recrimination and left some time after closing, thirty quid poorer.

Alternative Pitch Fever

2007-07-04T18:03:00.000+01:00

Across the way on Write Here, Write Now, Lucy has been inviting people to post their log-lines and synopses (hence the post below). Now that all the entries are received, she has gathered them all together in one massive post for everyone to mock vote for. Some were quite obviously knocked off the wrist and shouldn’t be taken seriously, others need just a little more work to get there, and one or two are really quite good.

See what you think.

I'd rather go blind

2007-07-04T09:09:00.000+01:00

News in from the BBC:

Catherine Tate is set to return to the TARDIS for the complete 13 week run of Series Four of Doctor Who.

Silly things to do

2007-07-02T20:28:00.000+01:00

If you haven’t been listening to I’m Sorry I’m Haven’t A Clue, then you’re loco, ese. It is, as they say, made of win.

Luckily, because the BBC feel sorry for those of you who have yet to recognise this self-styled “antidote to panel games” is Great Britain’s crowning contribution to Western Civilization, they’ve given you a chance to catch up using the runner-up in Great Britain’s crowning contribution to Western Civilization poll, the BBC Radio Player.

Cherish Humphry Littleton’s timing for as long as we have him, and be prepared for your jaw to hit the floor when you hear what Samantha’s got planned for dinner tonight.

Lucy made me do it

2007-07-01T18:50:00.000+01:00

The Life You Make

When cranky spirits torment a boy for defacing their graves, they accidentally doom reality. One delinquent and his granddad’s ghost must help them fix it.

Will may be trouble, but he’s not a bad lad. He loves his nan; but wishes his baby step-brother would go back where he came from.

Unhappy at home, he falls in with a notorious gang of hoodies, and becomes a public menace.

As his nan’s health worsens and his mother neglects him, his acts of petty crime escalate, and he vandalises a cemetery.

An affronted group of spirits decide to teach him a lesson by showing him how the world would be better off with his troublemaking arse out of the picture.

What the spirits haven’t understood is that the universe doesn’t like people disappearing, and because of their actions the barrier that protects the living from mindless ghouls that prowl the borders of reality is failing. Now they need Will to save us all. But why should one miserable teenager care if the world ends tomorrow?

See Lucy’s Blog for explanation.

Bleeding fingers and broken DVD cases

2007-07-01T10:19:00.000+01:00

My brother and I have a birthday tradition of buying each other films on DVD we really want to watch, and then viewing them before we wrap and gift them.

This year I bought him Kurosawa’s reimagining of King Lear, Ran (it’s okay, he doesn’t hang out here, I’m not spoiling the surprise). The film was magnificent: a fearfully oppressive retelling, mostly filmed on a wide open plain, in which every shot manages to be horribly claustrophobic. It’s a really unsettling film that does great justice to its source.

BUT, getting to the stage where I was able to watch it involved half an hour of self-mutilating contortions, battling with a DVD case that still had its red tag attached and was therefore locked tightly shut, beyond all human ken to open. Stupid HMV monkey.

Brute strength and a penknife eventually won the day, though I’m not sure I could give even my brother this as a present:

Terrible twos

2007-06-27T19:21:00.000+01:00

June-August 2005: new blogs are springing up all over the shop, the scribosphere (coinage courtesy of Craig Mazin, ici, lest we forget) in chaotic, fractal bloom. Within this primordial gunk, a frightening future takes hold.

Ars Memoriae opens its doors on 27th June, 2005, with a eulogy, and just as swiftly closes them again. Later, it will return as The Light, It Hurts, a focussed, lean and single-minded screenwriting blog. Much later. Maybe tomorrow.

For two years I have wittered away, prevaricating, procrastinating, and pettifogging, and done so in sterling company. To all my readers, especially those of you kind enough to leave me comments, buy me drinks and put me up, my thanks, although why did you have to go and encourage me? If you’d ignored me, I’d have gone away and done something more useful.

So, two more years? Anyone else up for that? Let’s keep the party going.

The way we were:

Beside the seaside

2007-06-22T09:09:00.000+01:00

Hey-ho, I'm off to Brighton for the weekend. I'll be taking my anti-rash cream because I'm spending the next two and half days rubbing up against bearded hippies at the Co-operatives' Congress. As it's June, and I'm heading down to the coast, I have also packed for hurricanes, gales, earthquakes, eruptions and the Rapture.

See you on Monday.

To steal a title from Ken Levine

2007-06-20T20:14:00.000+01:00

If The Sopranos were on a major network:

New blogs

2007-06-20T18:59:00.000+01:00

Well, two new ones and a third that’s been around for months, but remained so far under the radar it’s currently ranked 1,578,274th place with Technorati. Which is a shame, because it’s fab. So, in descending order of seniority (which means the newest one goes first, I think. Right?):

What It’s Like - Lisa Klink, writer for Painkiller Jane, Missing, Roswell, ST: Voyager, the upcoming Flash Gordon and bounteous others blogs about notes, typecasting, the room, agents and more, in order to pump yet more high grade advice into these junkie veins. Thanks to Maggie for this fix.

Eventually we’re going to have to stop taking advice and just do something.

Anyone writing a pilot will find lots to ponder in Running WIth My Eyes Closed by Jill Golick, a blog all about, er, pilots, damn it. This is a real “nuts and bolts” blog. Read it if you want to know how todays scripts are being put together. That one came from Denis.

My pick of the bunch though, has to be Seriocity. Kay Reindl (Millenium, Dead Zone), who hates Heroes, likes The Veils and mocks her comment section, gives us the lowdown on staffing season, writing pilots, Hollywood hacks, and TV critics who hate TV. She writes about three posts a month. They’re usually quite long. And ranty. So ranty. I like.

Fuck, that hurts

2007-06-17T20:21:00.000+01:00

Playing football tonight, I felt the familiar friction burn that signals the stretch and tear of a new blister. Post-game, in the changing room, I noticed this one was something special. I have, quite simply, flayed my big toe. An area of toe a little larger than a fifty pence piece no longer has any skin on it at all, and is all raw meat and exposed nerves. It’s really really painful.

UPDATE - news from the "got off lightly" desk: one of the opposing players actually broke his foot yesterday. Does this sound like a friendly five-a-side kickabout to you? Or more like a game of Jugger?

Utopia

2007-06-17T09:53:00.000+01:00

Do I even need to say anything? Really? Come on, I know you felt it too.

Fucking masterful.

Blood and viscera everywhere

2007-06-14T11:23:00.000+01:00

Bit of a Casualty related horror story at the Writers' Guild blog by show scribe Gregory Evans.

Human on the inside

2007-06-13T23:11:00.000+01:00

Like I've said, I’m not too cut up about Veronica Mars’ demise. Really, I’m over it. Done. What does still tick me off though, nine years later, is that Cupid was cancelled. Damn them, how could they?

Rob Thomas’ Olympian TV Rom-Com starred a hyperactive, phenomenal Jeremy Piven as “Trevor Hale,” a psychiatric patient who claimed to be the Greek God of Love, exiled to Earth until he could match 100 couples. Show!Killer! (to borrow the lingo) Paula Marshall played Dr Claire Allen, his psychiatrist, and relationship councillor.

Trevor believes in animal attraction, and lust at first sight. Claire runs a singles group and advises her sad sack attendees and hangers-on to write compatibility lists and wait for Mr/Miss Right.

Wacky high-jinks ensue. The show skillfully hedged it’s bets on whether Trevor was deity or ding-bat, was a pure joy, not watched, and quickly cancelled. It’s never been released on DVD and most likely never will be. Rob Thomas himself has had to buy pirated copies from E-Bay. Me, I got ‘em for free using Azureus, but each to his own.

Tonight I felt like wallowing for a while, and dug out my ancient copies, digitised from some anonymous viewer’s VHS. Whoever you were, I salute you. The best part of a decade, low resolution, and bad tracking cannot sour Cupid’s blend of quickfire cynical wit and sweet, romantic storylines. That the two leads have a chemistry you could taste 20 feet from your TV (raspberry and pistachio) only makes the experience richer. If you never got the chance to see this, and one day have the opportunity, don’t pass it up. It could be love.